It’s alive…It’s ALIVE!

I’m back bitchezzz!  That’s right…nothing new and improved about me though, still the same ol’…well, actually, that’s not true, but we’ll get to that in a minute.  First, thank you for not giving up on me.  I know that there are some of you who keep checking in just to see if I’ve written anything and I appreciate your patience.  I realize it’s been a while and there have been good reasons and no reasons.  The good news is that I’m back.  Now, on with the updates:

• New job. Not gonna blog about it, just tellin’ ya.  Truth is though, it’s great.  I love it.  And as I have told many people, it’s exactly where I need to be right now.  It’s not my life’s goal, but it’s a wonderful situation and I’m very excited about it.
• Illness. I think I’ve finally killed off/narrowed down/successfully hidden from the source of my illness that has plagued me since the dawn of time Aside: Okay, November, but still…damn, that’s a long time. I had awful sinus issues that would not go away.  They were more nuisance than painful, but I think I’ve finally relieved myself of the worst of it.
• Marathon training. Well, the illness put a damper on training somewhat.  Up until this week, I had really been slacking, but not due to my usual laziness and procrastination.  The weather has certainly lived up to its wintry expectation and that, coupled with my aforementioned sinus problems made for days that were simply not good for training, physically or mentally.  However, I’m back with a vengeance and I’m looking to put up some big numbers in February.  As it was, I only put in 37.2 miles last month, which is not only my lowest monthly total since late summer, it is well off my pace of 50 miles per month to reach my two year goal of 1200 miles.  Still, I hope to recoup some of that this month.
• Haiti. What a horribly disastrous event that was and though the public outcry seems to be dying down, we should be aware that it’s going to take decades to recover, if ever, from this event.  If there is any thread of your being that values human dignity, please give to your favorite relief organization that is supporting the efforts in Haiti.  I recommend the Red Cross, if for no other reason than I regularly donate blood and I know that it is a worthwhile organization with little or no corruption.  Haiti is one of, if not THE poorest nation on the planet and to have suffered from this devastating earthquake and the resulting catastrophic aftermath must be a national nightmare on a scale that I cannot even begin to imagine.  And, I’m not even going to dignify the outrageous lunacy of Pat Robertson with a diatribe on this one.
• The Supreme Court. At first glance, I thought, oh great, what a bunch of idiots, they’ve ruined something else.  Then, I began to hear the arguments of free speech and I thought I’d better take a closer look before I casually set my mind against something.  Turns out, I was right to begin with.  This is not free speech.  If anything, it’s speech that is bought and paid for with corporate money and it squeezes out the actual free speech of the citizen.  And, while this is certainly an oversimplification, I’m sure it won’t be long until we see “President So-and-So, brought to you by ExxonMobil Corp.” or possibly Congresspersons with national brands emblazoned on their suits as product placement for viewing on C-SPAN.  I’d say I’m amazed that the court came to this decision, but nothing really amazes me anymore.
• Healthcare. I’m not surprised it failed.  I’m saddened that it did, if only because this means it will take longer for people who really need health insurance to get it.  I’m not even really sure who to be mad at.  The Republicans, sure, that’s the easy target.  But, the Democrats weren’t making it easy to get behind with their constant alterations to woo votes.  It all seemed like typical politics which only disenfranchises the American voter.  Americans need health insurance, or we need a system where being sick or getting sick does not cause undue hardship.  I’m thankful to have wonderful health insurance and I simply can’t fathom how different my life would be if it were not for decent, affordable medical coverage.
• Toyota. Have you guys been taking lessons from Ford and GM?  I love my Corolla and I consider Toyota to be one of the most reliable, safest, well-engineered cars on the road today.  Let’s just hope that this issue is a blip on the radar screen.  Still, I’m not saying that I’m blindly loyal to Toyota.  Does your company make a car that gets excellent gas mileage and has safety ratings with more stars than the Milky Way?  Let’s talk.  I need a form of transportation that gets me and my family from here to there safely without unnecessary trips to the pump.
• Gays in the military. Is the military simply another in a long line of bastions of ignorance when it comes to the life of a homosexual?  It is my understanding that the military trains its personnel to march, shoot, crawl, stand at attention, and obey orders regardless of sex, or skin color, or religious affiliation.  Why shouldn’t they be able to instill that same training in homosexuals?  And why should it matter to anyone else?  This “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy is merely a face-saving form of discrimination.  My grandchildren will never understand why we didn’t see this issue for the fallacy that it is.
• Wrap up. John Edwards, creepy.  iPad, unnecessary.  Tiger Woods, shameful.  Tea Party, loony.  And, finally, am I just missing the boat on Lady Gaga?  I tried to listen to her music, but I don’t see the genius that everyone keeps going on about.  Of course, I never cared for My Morning Jacket either and look how big they became.

That should just about do it.  Got a problem with any of it, question me about it on my formspring page.  I’ll try my best not to make it such a long time in between postings again.  I know you miss me.  By the way, C. and IvyCat are doing great.

See you in the funny papers!

Rejuvenation

I’ve been laying in bed for two days now with some sort of virus which feels a lot like pneumonia, but apparently my lungs are clear.  So, in an effort to rejuvenate myself and this blog, I’ve added a Formspring.me page to the site, just to your right.  Go ahead, look…it’s right there.  ———>>  Yes, that way.  So, anyway, the idea is that you can ask me questions and I’ll respond to them.  Oh, and it can be anonymous if you like that way you don’t have to be identified with something embarrassing.

And, as it goes with viruses, it has cramped my marathon training.  But I’ve seen a lot of Instant Netflix fare.

See you in the funny papers!

Happy New Year!

Wow…nearly 4 days in and I’m just now posting.  Some habits are hard to break and don’t even get me started on resolutions!  So, since I’m already behind, let me get you caught up.

1. The holidays were great.  There was very little stress actually, but IvyCat managed to attract some sort of evil virus just before Christmas.  Then our little Typhoid Mary managed to spread it to everyone but me.  So, my two weeks of vacation have been spent sort of managing health care for both C. and IvyCat, which is no mean feat considering the following a) IvyCat is too young to really receive any treatment, not that there was any and b) since C. was still nursing, she wasn’t able to take any real medicine either.  Not to mention, I really despise snot.  So when your wife is running through tissues faster than you can open the box and your 8-month old Aside: Eight MONTHS?  I know, can you believe it?  It’s gone by so fast! has a nose that just drains the mucus like a faucet, well, you can imagine my excitement.  But, back to the holidays…they really were very stress-free and had they also been illness-free, they might have been very, very enjoyable.
2. The big deal for the holidays is always the intrastate rivalry between the UofL Cardinals and the UK Wildcats.  Those of you who are not from here probably have your own rivalry, and I’m sure it’s intense and all…but here in Kentucky, we know how to do rivalry.  You’ve heard of the Hatfields and McCoys.  Well, there were 6 fouls in the first 45 seconds of this game and no one had even scored a point yet.  There are professional hockey players that would do well to steer clear of this annual event.  Now then, my beloved Cardinals were on the short end of the 71-62 score, but not before making the undefeated Cats look fairly tame in the second half…and surely if they’d shot better than 17 percent in the first half, the score might’ve been a little different.  I will say this though, this UK team, unfortunately, looks like another of Calipari’s Thug Life squads that have sprung up like toadstools after a bad rain in the wake of this particular coaches sweep through the Division I ranks.  There was quite a bit of “goon” action in the early going.  I’m not making excuses for our poor execution, there was certainly an ugliness to our play in the first half, but we failed to resort to violence…at least as far as I could tell.
3. I’m currently in a training program to complete my very first full marathon.  That’s FULL as in all 26.2 miles.  That’s roughly…4,614.5 trips from my couch to my fridge…or more than 1.6 million quarters laid side by side, which would equal more than $100,000.  There are some who say I’m crazy for attempting such a thing…there are some who say I’m crazy for even dreaming up the attempt, but it’s a new goal to be conquered and I’m well on the way.  I’m going to do my best to keep you apprised of my goal with the following graphic:

   As you can see from the graph, my training is going fairly well and I’m looking forward to competing in the Nashville Country Music Marathon in April.  Oh, and if you should find yourself with an 8-month old who is having trouble sleeping through the night, and you find yourself tagged with a pesky sinus issue that doesn’t want to go away, AND you’re also training for  a marathon through all of this…whatever you do, DO NOT give blood and expect everything to go on smoothly.  You see that gap between 12/29 and 1/2…yeah, there should’ve been another green stripe there…oh, and that green stripe on 1/2, yeah, that should’ve been taller.  Hopefully, this coming week I will have recouped a bit of that pint I gave away and training will go a little bit better.

   Finally, there’s good news in the business and economics portion of my life.  I’ve accepted a new position at the university where I work.  I’ll hopefully be starting there in a couple of weeks, provided all the paperwork goes through.  I’d tell you all about it, but I have a rule about blogging about work which is: Don’t Blog About Work!  Sufficed to say, I’m looking forward to the new position.  It’s similar to my old position, but provides a new working atmosphere and a different program mission.  All in all, a fresh start to the new year!

   See you in the funny papers!

Merry Christmas!

Hope your Christmas was wonderful and everything you imagined it to be!

Oh, good, I haven’t missed it.

I have a fairly well documented dislike of the Christmas season.  For me, it has become an overblown collection of infectious songs, energy-sucking light displays, and colossal waste of human resources to ensure the happiness of a very few individuals.  However…and I know that you’ll want to keep reading because it will be beyond belief that I have penned these words…I believe that I may have found myself some of that old Christmas spirit that everyone keeps yammering on about.  For the last decade, and probably even before that, I found Christmas to be a chore, an unnecessary evil that needed to be dealt with simply to maintain social convention.  I participated, but I disliked practically every minute of it. This year will be an exception.

Now many of you will claim that it’s due to the birth of my daughter this year and while I must admit that she’s been the absolute joy of my life these seven months, she is not the reason for my shift in Christmas jollity.  Some will claim that even a blind squirrel finds an acorn on his very best day.  This may be true, but the law of averages demands that I would’ve had Christmas spirit well before now if that were the explanation. No, the truth is, the return of my Christmas spirit was due in no small part to a group of people I’ve never met before and who have very little idea of their impact on me.  Truth be told, many of them may be feeling the exact same way I do.  And, lo and behold, this very saving grace occurred to me during an evening at the theatre with the in-laws.

Last night, we ventured out to Actor’s Theatre of Louisville to see A Christmas Carol.  Truly, it has been many, many years since I’d seen this classic nugget.  I believe, even, the last time I saw it, Mickey Mouse was playing the part of Bob Cratchit.  I had lumped it in with a great many other holiday classics that the mere mention of make my eyes roll and my mouth groan and had avoided it like the plague.  Yes, Virginia, that includes such schmaltzy nuggets as Miracle on 34th Street, It’s A Wonderful Life, and even, A Charlie Brown Christmas.  Yep, I had become the Scrooge of all curmudgeons and was firmly planted in my dislike of Christmas.  But, last night, I became unstuck.  There were several moments during the play where I found myself wiping away a tear and truly enjoying Christmas; remembering why there are reasons to celebrate this season.

I have been blessed in this life with family and friends and I know that this is the true wealth, the true happiness.  And to that end, I wish you all a wonderful Christmas season and a joyful New Year that might bring you the same happiness that I’ve been given.  And, just to show you that I’m not above tacky and overly sappy…God Bless Us, Everyone!

See you in the funny papers!

Best of 2009 – Shop + much much more

According to Gwen Bell’s Best of 2009, today’s category is shop…online or offline.  Now, I don’t do much shopping, probably not as much as I should if you were to really take a hard look at it.  But it’s just not my thing.  I don’t prefer to shop.  Still, I do the occasional gift buying, particularly for my wife, but sometimes just for me.  To that end, I believe I have a couple of recommendations

• Schulz’s Florist is the best florist in the city in my opinion.  I mean, it’s the only one I shop at and my wife is tremendously impressed with their arrangements.  Their online presence is currently undergoing renovation, but I’ve found that the best way to buy flowers is always to go pick them out yourself.  The staff is always helpful and friendly and I apparently go there enough that they remember who I am.
• Swag’s Sport Shoes is where I do all my running shoe shopping.  They’re knowledgeable and friendly.  And, according to their website, I’m not the only one who thinks so…they’re one of the top 4 running stores in the country.  I just completed a purchase there last night Aside: Thank you D. for the gift certificate and pictures are soon to follow of the new adidas Supernovae that will carry me to my marathon goal.

Now then, since I last posted, I entered a new age bracket.  I turned 35 on Wednesday.  There was some fanfare, but as it was an extremely busy day, the excitement was mostly muted.  I did, however, have a very nice birthday.  To help celebrate that fact, I’m posting here a list of things that I had written down on my thirtieth birthday of things that it had taken me that long to learn.  The first 20 are the originals.  I’ve added a few more at the end to cover the last 5 years.For your edification:

20 things it has taken me 30 years to learn

1. Pre-drill the damn holes.
2. Don’t lie…ever!
3. You may not be responsible for the whole earth, but you can be responsible for yourself.
4. Fractions really are important.
5. Write it down…twice if necessary.
6. Your parents can teach you most everything you need to know, but you’re not going to listen anyway.
7. Take pride in the way you look because many people judge you based on that very look.
8. Swearing changes nothing…but it does relieve some pressure.
9. The batting cage and the shower are the two best places to think.
10. Credit is a vicious thing.
11. Pick your team and stick with them.
12. There is a lot of gray area in matters of religion, politics and ethics.
13. Just because you can lift it by yourself doesn’t mean you should.
14. Don’t take somebody’s word for it, explore your interests for yourself.
15. Health and wealth both contribute to happiness, but you can be happy without one of them.
16. Keep the protractor you buy in grade school.
17. A good book always beats a good television program.
18. Keep an umbrella in your car.
19. Being mean doesn’t help you or the person you’re mean to.
20. If you don’t want the world to know your secret, don’t tell anyone.
21. A decent cup of coffee almost always has either chocolate or whipped cream.
22. Just because you started the movie doesn’t mean you have to finish it, although if you paid for it, you might as well.
23. There is no better relaxation than a well-timed nap.
24. You can sleep anywhere with a decent pillow.

So there it is, my collective wisdom over the past 35 years.  I would say, for the most part, it has been a good three and a half decades and I can only hope that the next 35 will be as good.  This is also my last day of work for the year which is very exciting.  I’m looking forward to some time off to be spent with family and friends.  However, I do hope that this is not the last you’ve heard of the Conspiracy for the year.  Surely there will be more in coming days.  Stay tuned!

See you in the funny papers!

Best of 2009 – Packaging

Well, I know it’s been a while since I posted and I believe that if you go back through the archives, you’ll find that this part of the year is particularly hectic for me.  This year is no different and, honestly, it seems a little bit more chaotic in some ways with the baby Aside: though, I know, those of you with children will merely shake your heads with that knowing look because you’ve already been through this before…it’s new to me C. even made a “Christmas Stress List” after our trip to see The Nutcracker see the Events page for more which ennumerated the myriad things to be done before the actual day descends upon us.  To quote the mother from “The Middle”… Christmas is HARD!

Anyway, the point of this post is to talk about the best packaging of 2009.  This seems like a very odd thing to post about, but me being the odd person that I am, I really have an entry for this.  Recently, I ordered some items from Dr. Bronner’s because their stuff (the soap, the lip balm, and the shaving gel) is amazing and it’s good for the earth AND it gives me something to read in the shower because their bottles are covered with text.   But what excites me even more is the package that it came in.  All 3 things were wrapped very tightly together with bubble wrap and placed in a box just slightly larger than all the items and the extra space was filled with cornstarch peanuts.  It was pretty much the most environmentally friendly packaging of anything I’ve ever ordered and that made it an even better purchase.

So here’s to Dr. Bronner’s and their excellent packaging.  And, I highly recommend their products.  Anyway, back to Christmas!  I’m trying really hard to stay in the Christmas spirit.  I haven’t done that too well in previous years.  This year seems to be going well.  I’ve been listening to Christmas music a lot more, I’ve tried to be a little more jolly in my own sarcastic way…and, I didn’t curse under my breath a single time while waiting in line to see Santa Claus last night.  I’m actually looking forward the event which is a change from recent memory, although, it’s only the 15th, so we’ll see how it goes.  I have decided that you can’t have Christmas without the following:

• Thurl Ravenscroft singing “You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch”
• Bing Crosby singing “White Christmas”
• Lou Rawls, Peggy Lee, and Burl Ives
• Elf and National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation
• pointing out the hideous Christmas inflatables that you would never, under threat of death, have in front of your house, e.g. Santa playing poker at the North Pole

See you in the funny papers!

Best of 2009 – Moment of Peace

Another in a series of Gwen Bell’s Best of 2009 Challenge: Today’s entry is Moment of Peace

There are moments in my life, pretty much on a regular basis, that would qualify as a moment of peace.  They are often brief, fleeting seconds, but they are there and they are noticeable.  However, I think today’s challenge should reflect a much larger moment of peace.  After a brief review of the year, I identified two moments of peace that warrant discussion here.

1. The birth of my daughter on May 4.  For a few moments, just after the little one made her appearance in the world and was whisked off by the neonatologist team to be examined, I let out a deep breath that I’m sure I had been holding for several minutes.  The room sort of calmed in an extraordinary way considering that there were seven people present other than me and my wife.  At that moment, I had no fear, no worry, no conscious thought at all…there was just basic quiet and I relaxed.  It didn’t last long, but I remember it distinctly.
2. The inauguration of President Obama on January 20.  It had been a long time since there was a palpable calm in politics even amid the overwhelming joy and excitement.  Still, there were moments when people in the office stood completely transfixed as the events of the day unfolded and there was good reason.  The world, and I don’t mean this lightly, the WORLD was changing with the onset of Barack Obama’s presidency.  There was unique and genuine moment during the day when you felt a shift to a new paradigm that heralded great change.

Both of these moments were amazing…and to have them come in the same year is remarkable.  I can only hope that 2010 brings some life-altering moments as well.

See you in the funny papers!

Best of 2009 Challenge – Blogs

Another in a series of Gwen Bell’s Best of 2009 Challenge:  Today’s entry is Blog Find of the Year

I suppose my best blog find of the year was Swiss-Miss.  No, not the chocolate…it’s a design website and it’s a repository, not only for her own design information, but for all sorts of neat/cool/wonderful things across the Intertubes.  I find myself getting lost in this website.  I don’t really have a need for any of the things, but sometimes you see things that you just really REALLY want because they’re so darned amazing.

Also, Gleemonex turned me on to All & Sundry this year, due in no small part to my minor nervous breakdown and my having a child this year.  Gleemonex is still the queen of funny on my browser, but Sundry has managed to capture a lot of wonderful “milk-snorting” moments in prose.  They’re sort of my West Coast Valium duo that keeps my sanity in check.  I can’t believe I’m so lazy that I haven’t added her to the blogroll list yet.  I promise to do that this week.

And, finally, it can’t hurt for me to plug my brother-in-law’s website JBPots for all your pottery needs.  J. is an accomplished ceramics artist and I can vouch for the functionality and artistic design of all his creations.  Most of our favorite dishes (particularly coffee mugs and serving bowls) are JBPots originals.  He has an etsy shop for purchases as well, so if you’re still looking for that perfect holiday gift for a special someone, may I recommend JBPots for something unique and useful.  I don’t do nepotism for just anyone, and I assure you that this plug for his art was in no way compensated.  Everything you get here at the Conspiracy is 100% free from bias and coercion.

See you in the funny papers!

O Come All Ye Faithful

When I started dating my wife, I acclimated to a tradition of her family by venturing out into the wilds of Indiana and selecting a fresh Christmas tree, cutting it down and dragging it home to decorate.  Previous to this, I had merely pulled out the dusty tree from a box in the closet and placed it in the corner, but now, here was a new exciting part of the holiday that felt exotic and exhilarating.  There is truly something invigorating about wandering in a field in the cold, crisp weather and breathing in that beautiful pine scent; the sharp odor of fresh cut wood.  I really enjoy the moments outdoors selecting our tree.

All of this is to say that yesterday, we went out again into the cold with our daughter and C.’s mom and dad and we chose our tree and it was, yet again, a serene experience to be in the company of family, participating in an old-fashioned tradition, and enjoying the beginnings of our holiday season.  Also, part of this tradition is the listening to Christmas music, particularly John Denver and the Muppets, but several other Christmas CDs as well, which leads me to my minor “conversion” moment this morning on the way to church.

Now, one would think if I were already headed to church, I wouldn’t have needed a conversion moment.  And, I don’t want to alienate anyone who thinks I’ve jumped on the “crazy Christian” bandwagon, because that wouldn’t be an accurate account either.  Truth is, I attend church for a lot of reasons…one is that it’s a job, I get paid to sing.  Second, the community that is shared among the group of friends at our church is really second to none.  We, my wife and I, really enjoy the friendships we’ve made at church.  But, the main reason I attend church is that I don’t have all the answers and, honestly, there’s quite a bit of doubt.  I AM the “Thomas the Apostle” for my generation.  Still, there are clear and shining moments wherein the voice of God breaks through the cloud of mystery and doubt and floods my heart and mind.  This morning, I was going to change the cd in the stereo because we’d listened to it at least 3 or 4 times yesterday during various trips across the county, but I left it in because I wanted to hear Earl Scruggs play “Jingle Bells” on the banjo.  Well, a few songs later, Patty Loveless began her version of “O Come All Ye Faithful” and that is the moment that it made sense to me:

It was an invitation; an invitation to be a part of a season, a tradition.  Sure, it specifies the faithful, but also the joyful and the triumphant.  I would venture to say that it was also an invitation to the doubtful, the disheartened and the downtrodden.  I felt a part of the faithful, not necessarily the believers, but those who have faith, however shaky it might be, that there is good and purpose in the world.  And, we’re invited to share in a community with other faithful.  I’d like to propose that the comma in that opening line is maybe premature.  Maybe, instead, it should read:

O Come All, Ye Faithful

So, during this season of Advent Aside: for those of you who didn’t go to church this morning, Advent is the season of preparation that precedes Christmas.  You won’t find it in the Hallmark card section as it goes largely unnoticed by the general populace. as we prepare for our Christmas traditions with fresh or dusty trees, fresh or dusty faiths, I’d like to believe that we’ve all been invited to attend, to celebrate in the joy of this season.

Finally, in keeping with Gwen Bell’s Best of 2009 challenge, today’s “Best of” is workshop or conference.  I don’t attend many workshops or conferences.  My job is not such that it’s necessary, however, this year I did attend a marriage retreat that might fall into this category.  My wife and I, as part of the aforementioned church, journeyed down to the All Saints Conference Center in Leitchfield, KY for a short marriage retreat.  We truly enjoyed the retreat and were able to further solidify our marriage by recognizing that we share many of the same constructs for making our marriage work smoothly and joyfully with a minimum of distraction and discord.  It was a very nice weekend and I feel like it strengthened our marriage.  So, even though it’s the only one, I’d say it was the best one of 2009.

See you in the funny papers!