Television is the first truly democratic culture – the first culture available to everybody and entirely governed by what the people want. The most terrifying thing is what people do want.
– Clive Barnes
It’s amazing what people want to see on television: other people eating bugs or worse; families screaming at each other; contrived situations where people are thrown together just to see how they’ll interact. It’s a shame really. I remember when television used to be filled with sickly saccharin sitcoms (nice alliteration!) that wrapped everything up in a neat little package at the end of 22 minutes plus commercials. I used to hate that too, but I think I prefer it over the onslaught of “reality” programs that have very little to do with reality. I think a reality show might be good once, maybe even twice if it’s inventive, but a continuous parade of the weird element in search of fleeting fame and prize money that they will immediately blow on gadgets they’ll never use is starting to grate on me. I long for a decent sitcom or drama that doesn’t insult my intelligence. If I didn’t like baseball and films so much, I think I’d get rid of my television.
Would you believe I didn’t meant to discuss television today? No, actually I just came to answer a few questions provided to me by my friend Maul St. Matthews of the Derby City Roller Girls:
If you care to participate, leave me a comment saying “Interview me.” I will respond by emailing you five questions. I get to pick the questions. You will update your blog with a post containing your answers to the questions.
You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.
- Would you rather be an insanely wealthy, yet untalented, rock star, or a technically perfect, golden-voiced, but unknown jazz singer? Wow, this is tough. And, even though I’ve started hating jazz on principle, I think I’m gonna go with the jazz singer option. Why? Well…I dislike untalented, but I like the wealthy part. However, with the wealth usually comes all sorts of trouble (see: Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton, Britney Spears) and I’d just as soon avoid that part of it. I think I’d like jazz singer and hopefully, years from now, my grandchildren would enjoy a resurgence of my music and recoup some of the royalties I should’ve received when my voice is used in the background of car commercials.
- What is truly the most beautiful thing you have ever seen? Okay, I may have mentioned this before, but it may also have been in an email, but it bears repeating. Especially in light of my fast approaching 4th wedding anniversary. So here goes…for my 30th birthday, my wife, C, took me to Cooperstown to see the Baseball Hall of Fame. It was a total surprise and it was an amazing trip. But the beauty part comes in as we were coming back to Albany. We stopped at a little place called Fly Creek Cider Mill to shop and look around. As we were leaving the mill, it started to snow and I was using a friend’s video camera to watch my wife dancing across the bridge catching snowflakes on her tongue and laughing. To date, that is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. It may have been the happiest moment of my life, surpassing even my wedding day.
- If you were to host your own late night talk show, who would be your co-host? Without a doubt, Lewis Black. He might just be the funniest person on the planet at the moment. I love his indignation and his general political incorrectness. He’s fun to watch and I think he’d make a great co-host. Actually, truth be known, I’d probably be a better co-host for him…but we’re talking about me here.
- Would you rather be a skilled dancer, or a skilled fighter? Well, as I’ve always been afraid of my inner rage and how it might affect other people, I’m gonna go with dancer. Plus, I think I’d specialize with either ballet or tap. There’s an allure either way with both Baryshnikov and Glover. I never saw Fight Club and I don’t care for Tyson or Holyfield. Actually, I did take dance lessons way back in the early 80s, but obviously it wasn’t my thing because I don’t dance now. But I remember a couple of the ballet positions and I can shuffle-ball-change with the best of them. Or something like that.
- Will you scratch my back? I have itchy scapulae. I actually knew what scapulae were, so I wasn’t weirded out by this question. Thank goodness for my year and a half at the medical school that assists me in my professional medical opinion…so, yes, I will scratch your back. But as with all quid pro quo, you’ll have to scratch mine.
BONUS: Why do you think your spouse loves you so? OOooh! Bonus question…it’s like extra credit. I think my spouse loves me because I’m the best husband I can be. It’s one of the things that I really try to be good at, that I practice hard at doing. She loves me because we can have discussions instead of arguments, I’m generally helpful around the house, and I try to make her feel like the best wife in the world, even if she thinks she’s not. I complement her and she complements me, we’re two parts of the whole. She’s my everything and I try to tell her that often, and I think that’s one of the many reasons she loves me.
See you in the funny papers!