Well, there’s always the band…

Yeah, the beloved hometown Louisville Cardinals stunk up the city this afternoon with their terrible impersonation of a football team.  They did happen to score two points and avoid a shutout for the first time in eight years.  However, those two points came at the expense of a poor decision by an inexperienced quarterback making his first college start.  Basically, it was an accident.

UofL Marching Band
UofL Marching Band
  • Did I watch this inept episode of collegiate action? Yes.
  • Did I turn it off when it was still 13-2? Yes.
  • Am I still angry that traffic after this ridiculous debacle made me a virtual prisoner in my own neighborhood? Yes.
  • Do I think the university bears some of the responsibility for that, in addition to the city? Yes.

Four yesses!  That’s a very positive outcome for such an insane situation.

But…how about the band?

See you in the funny papers!

Running Update

It’s been some time since I had a running update.  Unfortunately, that’s because I haven’t been doing a lot of running.  This last week is the first time I’ve put any real mileage in and it was painful and frustrating mileage at that.  I simply don’t have the stamina that I used to have.  In hopes of remedying that dilemma, I’m putting myself on a beginners’ plan…a “couch-to-5K” regimen that will hopefully get me back on track in a couple of months.  However, I have been able to string together enough mileage for a decent update, so here it is:


So, according to the map, I’m near Lynnville, Indiana.  There’s nothing really interesting about Lynnville, Indiana, but they do have their own website.   I would love for any residents of Lynnville to post a comment on this blog telling me something exciting about their town.

See you in the funny papers!

Extreme Hotness!

Extreme Hotness!

Originally uploaded by ConspiracyofHappiness

You asked for it…and here it is! I’m wearing my super slick Chianti Classico bike gear and posing with my Specialized Allez bicycle. This picture was taken today after a 35-mile bike ride from which I’m just now recovering. Pictures of me lounging in my hammock, or possibly playing Mario Kart in my rocking chair are, I’m sure, forthcoming. Please try not to drool on your keyboard, it makes the I.T. guys really unhappy!

See you in the funny papers!

2 million 628 thousand

Behind that number, 2,628,000, lies an infinite number of moments that have been increasingly joyful given that I’ve shared them with a person whose compassion, love, and deep commitment to our relationship have resulted in five amazing years of marriage.  I speak, of course, of my loving wife, without whose companionship, strength, and constant faith in both me and our life together, I would not be at all the man I am today.  Two million six hundred twenty-eight thousand minutes of bliss, passion, and understanding wrapped in a whirlwind that seems like just a blink of an eye.  I can not imagine my life without her and I constantly give thanks to every possible cosmic incarnation that we share our life together.

Many of you will read this before she does, possibly even months in advance, as C. is not a daily reader of my blog.  But I assure you that from 2,628,001 through the end of time, she will continue to have my undying devotion and fidelity in everything that we share.  Happy Fifth Anniversary C. and if you’re reading this today:


See you in the funny papers!

And MORE rage!

Mountaintop Removal in Kentucky
Mountaintop Removal in Kentucky

Apparently this is my week to be simply outraged by things, but I do hope, dear reader, that you will join with me on this one.

In a misguided and truly ignorant display of asshattery, our Lieutenant Governor Daniel Mongiardo has crossed over to the dark side (and by the dark side, I mean Big Coal.)

According to the article (for those of you who can’t be bothered to click the link), our buddy Mongiardo thinks that mountaintop removal is a grand thing and will be perfect for all the businesses, hospitals, and airports that are desperately trying to be built in eastern Kentucky.

In the local vernacular, HORSESHIT!  There are thousands of acres, literally, of mined land in eastern Kentucky, southern West Virginia, and western Virginia that have been flattened by this gross misuse of nature that sit empty, scarring the landscape, totally unused.  Ideally, they would be used for something, but they’re not.  They just sit there, completely empty like a soundstage on the moon, without viable options for re-growth and no economic possibilities on the horizon.

Mongiardo, you, sir, are an idiot!  Furthermore, being from Hazard, KY yourself, you should know the kind of destruction and devastation that this wreaks on not only the landscape, but the people and communities that are affected by this travesty of a business.  I can’t even begin to express the sincere outrage that I feel for your comments and the sincere sorrow I feel at both your ignorance and the poor policy decisions that might be a direct result of your idiocy.

See you in the funny papers!


Okay, I want to apologize to those of you who are offended by hurtful language…and some of you may even want to skip this post…but it needs to be said.

Dear Ignorant Bitch,

You!  Yes, I’m talking to you, the ignorant bitch riding in the passenger seat of that shit-brown gas-guzzler with Kentucky license plate 445-FYH. Let me tell you something rather than yelling like a fucking imbecile out of a moving car.  First of all, don’t yell at me.  You have no right and if you weren’t so ignorant, you’d know that you have no right.  Second of all, “Use the sidewalk!” is not acceptable in the city.  Any one with half an ounce of sense, which you apparently are lacking, knows by now that bicycles are afforded the same right as vehicles and it’s illegal to ride them on the sidewalk.  It’s even in the driver’s manual…but since you were riding in the passenger seat, maybe you’re too fucking dumb to have received a license, which wouldn’t surprise me in the least!  And, I swear to God, I wish that stoplight had been red longer so I could have rolled up and given you a piece of my mind…especially with that police officer sitting at the light as well.  That would’ve been the highlight of my day!  Dammit…you fucking pissed me off and I was having a decent day until then and the absolute rage I feel right now makes me want to find you and really tell you off.

But I have to mow the grass at the moment and, to be honest, I’m not even sure your thick skull could comprehend what I would try to beat into it.  Stupid bitch!

Gah! Some people!

See you in the funny papers!

Extreme relaxation = Body deterioration

Over the last 5 days, I’ve enjoyed two major league baseball games and I’m currently writing this post from the comfort of the Neighbors’ lake house where I’m staring out onto the water, preparing to play some Mario Kart and savor the flavor of some homemade waffles. So, life is pretty magnificent.

However, in that same span, I’ve also helped drive 1500 miles over 5 different states, been subject to several evenings with little sleep in beds that are not my own, and heaven knows that the water and sun will absolutely drain you. So, life is pretty warped.

It’s the dichotomy of “having too much fun.” I didn’t think it was possible…but I believe that my mother was right when she said “too much party.”  And now, I’m sure I’ll never hear the end of it.

However, I got two new hats from Miller Park and the Metrodome.  And I got to see Erin Andrews from a distance (which the pictures will attest to) and actually, I think it would be way too easy for me to be a stalker.  And, I can add 3 new states to my list of places I’ve been.

So, all in all, I enjoyed “too much party.”