What? Wha…? Sorry, I can’t hear you!

Dear Local Media Outlet:

Thank you so much for your early morning coverage of the interstate construction/state fair traffic congestion this morning.  I’m certain that it was not only in-depth, but titillating for all your viewers/listeners.  I wouldn’t know exactly what the coverage was like because I was not tuned in.  However, I can only imagine that your local news “chopper” that hovered over/around my home for nearly an hour this morning beginning a little before 6:30 a.m. provided extensive information for everyone who was watching or listening.  Thank you so much for waking me well before the alarm and for being involved in my child’s being awake before it was time to take her to daycare.  It really got my day off to a rollicking good start and I can only hope that tomorrow will provide more of the same.  Nothing says “GOOD MORNING!” like the deafening buzz of a news helicopter in the early a.m.

It almost felt like they were filming an “Apocalypse Now” sequel and the air cavalry was providing fire support to ground troops ON MY STREET!  Other than that…it’s actually been pretty peaceful today.  Shock and surprise.

In other news, you should totally be listening to:

Imelda May’s Johnny Got A Boom Boom

Mos Def’s Quiet Dog

Trombone Shorty’s Orleans and Claiborne

Boycott Scotland? Seriously?!

I was in need of a laugh this morning and, fortunately, the BBC was right there to get my morning off to a good start.  Apparently, the wingnuts of American righteous indignation have decided to boycott Scottish products in response to the release of the Lockerbie bomber, Megrahi.

When I first read this, I had to think hard…what Scottish products?  Does Scotland really export that much stuff to America?  I mean, yeah, Scotch whiskey…but what else?  Sweaters?  Probably.

Anyway, my point is this.  There is no logical reason for this boycott which will be lame and ineffective at best.  The people you would injure with a boycott are, more than likely, just like you.  They’re doing their jobs every day, trying to get along in the world.  They had nothing to do with the decision to release Megrahi.  The justices who decided to release the man, who probably has less than 3 months to live, on compassionate grounds don’t export anything and they’re likely following the laws set down in their country even if they don’t agree with them.  It happens everywhere.

I can’t make an argument for releasing him other than he can spend his last moments with his family, although, this is more than could be allowed for his victims…so, I can’t really argue that point.  Except to say, that keeping him in prison in spite of that does nothing to bring those people back.  I can’t imagine that forcing him to die in prison makes the lives of victims’ families any more joyful.  It might ease a little pain knowing that he suffers, but after two decades, one would hope that you’d resolved that anger and vengeance.

I know, I’m just a left-wing, bleeding heart, Socialist who wants everybody to get along.  Is that such a bad thing?

So, if you really think that not buying a new sweater this fall, or cutting back on your whiskey intake which you should probably do ANYWAY is the best way to solve the world’s problems, then go ahead and boycott.  But, don’t expect anyone to take it seriously and don’t expect it to have much affect on anything that matters!

See you in the funny papers!

Healthcare update

I don’t like to just post video and not, you know, provide my own two cents, but Anthony Weiner who I saw on the Rachel Maddow Show the other night, and he was great then too tells you more than enough about the healthcare debate in this particular clip.  If after watching, you still think that healthcare reform is a bad idea…please, write to me and I’ll do my best to convince you or assuage your fears.

See you in the funny papers!

P.S. I ❤ Rachel Maddow.

What’s another word for random? Healthcare

Alright, I just read an article about “12 Bad Facebook types” and I think I’ve avoided almost all of them…I might be guilty of a couple, and for that I’m sorry.  I’m going to try and remedy those situations in expedient fashion

In other news, I should’ve weighed in on this long before now, but sometimes…sometimes, I just don’t feel inspired.  But now, I think I’ve waited to long:  it’s HEALTHCARE, stupid!  Sorry, didn’t mean to call you Intertubes stupid…but you know who you are.

  1. If you are still listening to Sarah Palin, or care one iota what she thinks, blogs about, Tweets, Facebooks, or otherwise blathers electronically, literally or metaphorically, then I need you to stop reading my blog because you’re an idiot.  There I said it.  Sarah Palin is a hemorrhoid on the ass of reality.  She is 3 kids away from being Kate Gosselin and is possibly already less important.  Her comment alone on “death panels” is the backbone of fear-mongering and borders on insanity.
  2. Speaking of death panels, how do I get a job on one?  I think we should definitely get death panel uniforms and have unhindered access to anything that the NRA believes we have the right to own.  As far as the uniforms though, I think we should have two options:
  3. or
    Because, who wouldn’t want to be tased to death by the Mad Hatter or the Galactic Empire?!  So, if somebody could make that happen, I’ll sign up.  At the very least we should get t-shirts that say Death Panel for Grandma ala Death Cab for Cutie

    Speaking of jobs…can I say how hard it is out here for a pimp?  I mean, seriously!  I’ve applied for a lot of jobs lately and have heard exactly nothing.  It’s frustrating, disheartening, and I’m a little tired of it.  All I’m asking is that you call me back and say that you hired somebody else, we wish you the best in your search for a new career.  Is that hard?  I know, I know.  You received 890 applications for a job that most people would be overqualified to work, but is it too much to ask for acknowledgement of receipt of that application.  Heck, I’d be happy to get a rejection letter in the mail if only because it’s not another bill.

  4. Sorry…that last one was sort of off on a tangent…back to healthcare.  Here’s the thing: Our healthcare system in this country is broken.  If you don’t think it is, either a) you haven’t been ill lately or b) you’re rich enough not to care what the insurance companies are charging or disallowing.  We’ve got people who have insurance who are afraid to get sick or go to a physician because their insurance company might drop them.  Here in my city official motto: Possibility City, more like Improbability City we have hospitals turning down insurance companies and vice versa over money that neither one of them probably needs.  We have people who can’t get insurance because they are sick.  This country needs a healthcare enema to eliminate the bureaucratic constipation that has logjammed the system.  And, what we don’t need are morons blurring reality.
  5. Speaking of morons, I mean particularly the disruptors of informative town hall meetings who have this “Obama=Hitler”, “Government healthcare=Socialism” hooey mentality, or at the very least have had this spoon fed to them by the right-wing media.  You need to stop.  If you want to protest, fine, do it outside.  Far be it from me to impinge your First Amendment rights to be a dummy mouthpiece for people who hate the way democracy actually works, but don’t interrupt actual informative sessions with your phony goofballism.
  6. Finally, I love, dearly love, the fact that President Obama has enlisted the help of faith-based organizations in the fight for healthcare reform by saying that some of these people are “bearing false witness.” see Exodus 20:16 Truly, I say unto you, nothing stings a conservative like having the Bible thrown in their faces.  They do it every time they want to prove a point as though the Bible were some sort of “end-of-discussion” reference book, so to have it placed before them as evidence that they are incorrect in their activities just makes me friggin’ giddy!

I think this about covers what I intended to say.  Actually, it probably doesn’t.  I wanted to be a little more clear in my support of informative hearings regarding the state of healthcare reform.  I wanted to state my support of a public option that allows us to combat some insurance company nonsense.  I wanted to clearly state my belief in the First Amendment, but understand that you can’t go yelling about Hitler in a crowded town hall.  How is Hitler even relevant?  Gah…morons!

Oh, and as far as the Second Amendment is concerned, it states “A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.”  This means that you can keep guns, or even a cannon I suppose, if your goal is to be part of a militia involved in maintaining security.  This does not mean that you can go around toting firearms for “hunting.”  You want to hunt?  Get a bow and arrow, or a spear, and do it right!

See you in the funny papers!

P.S.  Damn, it is hot here in the Ohio Valley.   I mean, honestly, summer is upon us!  Whew!  If I don’t melt, I’ll post again sometime soon!

Mama said there’d be days like this…

I know that you’ve had one.  It may have even been recently.  And, honestly, it is EXACTLY the sort of day that your mother warned you about.  It’s the day that they write children’s books about that warn of the dangers of even getting out of bed.  And, today was that day.

Actually, the day started out pretty decent.  I had to set the alarm, which wasn’t my favorite activity (this being my only day off), but there were big plans in the works, so we needed to get an early start.  So after a shower and a shave, I settled back in to bed…that’s how smoothly my day started off.  At around 8:30, with C. cavorting through her beauty regimen (which she absolutely has no need for, because she’s so beautiful already!), I decided to wake the baby and feed her.  She smiled through part of a bottle, but she wasn’t all that hungry.  She was fairly agreeable through the diaper/outfit change and though we seemed to be a little behind schedule, everything was going smoothly.

Well, the plan was to take IvyCat to get her picture taken with my niece, Emma…and that’s where things started to fall apart.  When we got to the studio, the lady taking the pictures seemed a little less enthused about our children than we did.  It would have been like having the “10-years-ago” me take your child’s picture: sullen, bored, and apathetic.  In addition to emo-girl taking the photos, apparently there’s some sort of rule about taking TOO MANY pictures, so she would wait to get the right shot.  Well, anyone who has taken a photo of a child knows that you need to just snap a few thousand and hope for the best.  I think she took exactly ONE photo of IvyCat while waiting for her to smile.  Ivy is very much like a cat by which I mean she does things on her own terms at her own pace.  So, if you get a smile, it’s gonna be a quick one and there may only BE one!  My sister, who has always bragged on this studio and has pictures to prove their ability to get results, was not the least bit pleased and short of demanding a new photographer, did the best she could to get Emma and Ivy to cooperate with what we were working with.  Well, it didn’t go too well…and naturally Ivy decided to be hungry after her one smile.  So as C. is feeding her, the realization that the bottle is leaking on her outfit becomes imminently apparent.  This wouldn’t have been bad, save for the fact that we are headed to a wedding in EXACTLY one hour!  So, C. is covered in milk, Ivy has drooled on her fancy dress and my pants leg, and we haven’t even eaten yet.

After selecting the one good photo of the bunch, we decide to swing through the drive-through to get something before the wedding.  Now, C. is a Chik-Fil-A nut.  I mean, she gets agitated if she wants Chik-Fil-A on a Sunday, because they’re not open that day.  If we had one near the house, we could be in their commercials…much like Qdoba.  Anyway, so we head to Chik-Fil-A, the wrong direction because whoever designs mall parking lots apparently doesn’t have a straightedge and after a U-turn we’re finally getting some food.  I managed to twist C.’s arm into getting a peach milkshake to enjoy as well.  Why is that important?  Because halfway to the wedding C. is accidentally dumping the peach milkshake onto the floorboard in the backseat due to poor lid design and inconvenient cup holder placement.  In the process of trying to extricate the cup and save what’s left of the milkshake, the straw comes spinning out and spraying the inside of the car, and our previously milk-laden clothing with peach milkshake.  And we were worried about ironing my shirt, HA! By this point, I have to break down laughing because there simply aren’t enough curse words to describe the absolute joy of the day.

So, now, we’re at the wedding and C. decides she should change Ivy’s diaper before the ceremony.  She tends to get a little fussy with a wet diaper and the last thing you want at your wedding is a screaming baby.  Well, it was a small wedding and C. got back just before it started with Ivy wearing a little less clothing than she previously had on.  Apparently, this diaper of all diapers and days was the king of monster blowouts with baby poo running up nearly to the armpits.  We’ve simply decided to torch the onesie, because there’s no hope of it ever coming clean again.  All of this has occurred before the noon hour on a day when I should be relaxing.

The good news is that the wedding was enjoyable and short.  A good time was had by all of us, even in the face of overwhelming catastrophic events to start the day.  Now…if I could just get a nap.

See you in the funny papers!


Balls, I say!  Bollocks, even!

So, what, may you ask has gotten my dander in a lather this morning?  Oh, Intertubes, ya’ll have no idea.  Seriously, it’s just that bad.  But, here’s the thing, I’m about to lay it on you…so grab your cup of joe, or for those of you across the pond, at this hour, I suppose maybe a spot of tea.

Those bastards from New York swept my beloved Red Sox over the weekend.  Yes, I know, it’s not all that difficult to believe since we’ve been batting anemic since the All-Star break and the Yankees went out in the offseason and purchased an entirely new roster practically with which to beat my Beantown brothers.  Still, we had beaten them 8 straight times this season, and suddenly, they lose four straight?  It’s enough to conjure images of 1919.  I mean, our bullpen, though taxed in the 15-inning game on Friday, just fell apart last night and gave up the ghost.  It was a sad, sad day.

To compound the misery, I’m now at work, bathed in my own sweat, wasting a perfectly good shower AND a good shave even though, due to last week’s flooding, this building is still officially closed.  So, here I sit, desperately willing the fan to blow something other than hot air as I breathe in mildew and toxic mold Okay, that might be an exaggeration, but who can say for sure. I realize that this breaks my rule of blogging about work, but I feel this warrants it.  I know that they want us to work, but really, REALLY, this seems a bit unnecessary.  We should be able to stay home until they get the air handlers working again.  On the bright side, I am wearing shorts and a t-shirt.

In other news, C and I had a wonderful date for our anniversary.  We went to see (500) Days of Summer which you definitely need to go out this week and see.  It’s just that good.  The review is available on my movie page.  We also had dinner at the lovely 60 West Bistro and Martini Bar.  I did have a martini, called Chewbacca’s Scream of course! and it was quite good.  Thanks to my parents for watching the bebe while we went out.

See you in the funny papers!


Six years ago today, I gussied up myself in a rented tuxedo and secreted myself away in the back of a downtown cathedral to hear some friends sing beautiful music for our wedding.  As the organist wound up the intro for us to go in, I paired up with my best man, J. and followed the priest (a die hard Cubs fan) down the aisle.  I turned at the altar and saw my mother and godmother standing with my grandmothers, and my father was on the aisle.  I hugged my father just as the huge doors opened to reveal the most beautiful bride in the world.  As she and and her father walked arm in arm, smiling and crying together, tears welled up in my eyes.  The cathedral was full with friends and family.  The flowers were extra bright colors and the music swelled to nearly raise the gilt-starred ceiling. Carrie-on-Indian-Ocean

Every single moment since that hour six years ago has been utter bliss.  Nobody understands when I tell them how wonderful my life has been since I met my wife.  I couldn’t possibly be that happy; that “in love” with one person…and never think twice.  She puts an absolute smile on my face every time I think of her and I can think of no other person I would want to spend eternity with.  She understands me, even when she groans and rolls her eyes at my dumb jokes.  She is a great sounding board and I, in turn, have become a great listener as well.  We share politics, even when we don’t necessarily agree.  She is the ideal mate and my bestest girl.  I can’t imagine my existence without her and I hope and pray for many, many more anniversaries to come.  I’m just thrilled she’s been able to put up with me for this long.

See you in the funny papers!

P.S. Check out the movie reviews for the latest viewings.

Water, water, everywhere…but not a drop to drink.

I think Noah would’ve been proud of this one, ya’ll.    I’m talking some serious flooding here in the commonwealth.  There was over 13 feet of water at 1st and Cardinal by the Taco Bell and the middle of campus was a lake.  Some people even had to be rescued from one of the administration buildings Aside: seriously…apparently, it was even on The Weather Channel The dean and I and a co-worker of mine did the dirty work of rescuing several instruments from a flooding area in the basement…drums, basses, amps, whatnot, etc. Aside: Have you ever heard an oratorio performed on the whatnot, it’s amazing. There were some cars that were totally flooded out around campus and our neighborhood, but we managed to survive with only a little pool of water in the basement. We’re all safe, C and Ivy and myself and our families are safe as well.

I’d put up some pictures, but I didn’t take any.  But, I’m guessing that the insurance companies are going to be really busy tomorrow.  They’ve already shut down the campus for tomorrow Aside: which sucks, because I already had the day off. and this year is going to go down as a serious climatological orgasm for the following reasons:

  • Massive wind storm
  • Massive ice storm
  • First July on record not to reach 90 degrees
  • Massive flooding

I’d say that was pretty much a really good indicator of global climate change.  Disagree with me?  Post it in the comments!

See you in the funny papers!