I know that you’ve had one. It may have even been recently. And, honestly, it is EXACTLY the sort of day that your mother warned you about. It’s the day that they write children’s books about that warn of the dangers of even getting out of bed. And, today was that day.
Actually, the day started out pretty decent. I had to set the alarm, which wasn’t my favorite activity (this being my only day off), but there were big plans in the works, so we needed to get an early start. So after a shower and a shave, I settled back in to bed…that’s how smoothly my day started off. At around 8:30, with C. cavorting through her beauty regimen (which she absolutely has no need for, because she’s so beautiful already!), I decided to wake the baby and feed her. She smiled through part of a bottle, but she wasn’t all that hungry. She was fairly agreeable through the diaper/outfit change and though we seemed to be a little behind schedule, everything was going smoothly.
Well, the plan was to take IvyCat to get her picture taken with my niece, Emma…and that’s where things started to fall apart. When we got to the studio, the lady taking the pictures seemed a little less enthused about our children than we did. It would have been like having the “10-years-ago” me take your child’s picture: sullen, bored, and apathetic. In addition to emo-girl taking the photos, apparently there’s some sort of rule about taking TOO MANY pictures, so she would wait to get the right shot. Well, anyone who has taken a photo of a child knows that you need to just snap a few thousand and hope for the best. I think she took exactly ONE photo of IvyCat while waiting for her to smile. Ivy is very much like a cat by which I mean she does things on her own terms at her own pace. So, if you get a smile, it’s gonna be a quick one and there may only BE one! My sister, who has always bragged on this studio and has pictures to prove their ability to get results, was not the least bit pleased and short of demanding a new photographer, did the best she could to get Emma and Ivy to cooperate with what we were working with. Well, it didn’t go too well…and naturally Ivy decided to be hungry after her one smile. So as C. is feeding her, the realization that the bottle is leaking on her outfit becomes imminently apparent. This wouldn’t have been bad, save for the fact that we are headed to a wedding in EXACTLY one hour! So, C. is covered in milk, Ivy has drooled on her fancy dress and my pants leg, and we haven’t even eaten yet.
After selecting the one good photo of the bunch, we decide to swing through the drive-through to get something before the wedding. Now, C. is a Chik-Fil-A nut. I mean, she gets agitated if she wants Chik-Fil-A on a Sunday, because they’re not open that day. If we had one near the house, we could be in their commercials…much like Qdoba. Anyway, so we head to Chik-Fil-A, the wrong direction because whoever designs mall parking lots apparently doesn’t have a straightedge and after a U-turn we’re finally getting some food. I managed to twist C.’s arm into getting a peach milkshake to enjoy as well. Why is that important? Because halfway to the wedding C. is accidentally dumping the peach milkshake onto the floorboard in the backseat due to poor lid design and inconvenient cup holder placement. In the process of trying to extricate the cup and save what’s left of the milkshake, the straw comes spinning out and spraying the inside of the car, and our previously milk-laden clothing with peach milkshake. And we were worried about ironing my shirt, HA! By this point, I have to break down laughing because there simply aren’t enough curse words to describe the absolute joy of the day.
So, now, we’re at the wedding and C. decides she should change Ivy’s diaper before the ceremony. She tends to get a little fussy with a wet diaper and the last thing you want at your wedding is a screaming baby. Well, it was a small wedding and C. got back just before it started with Ivy wearing a little less clothing than she previously had on. Apparently, this diaper of all diapers and days was the king of monster blowouts with baby poo running up nearly to the armpits. We’ve simply decided to torch the onesie, because there’s no hope of it ever coming clean again. All of this has occurred before the noon hour on a day when I should be relaxing.
The good news is that the wedding was enjoyable and short. A good time was had by all of us, even in the face of overwhelming catastrophic events to start the day. Now…if I could just get a nap.
See you in the funny papers!