The legend of FAIL!

I’ve debated whether or not to post this for the following reasons:

  1. Concerned parties will be overly concerned.
  2. Unconcerned parties may become concerned.
  3. Persons whose lives are even worse by comparison will merely scoff at the notions.

Nonetheless…I have decided to post it.

I’ve failed.  Not epically mind you, but I’ve failed.  I work two jobs, six days a week, for money that doesn’t cover the bills.  I have very few friends, regardless of what the tally reads on my Facebook page.  I went to school to get a degree which I was assured would lead to better career advancement and has yielded exactly nothing except for a large diploma which I can’t even afford to frame.  I’m incapable of providing for my family, even though they seem not to notice or worry about it.  I’m not handy in any sort of way short of mowing the grass, which I don’t even do all that often.  I’ve attempted to maintain a running schedule to keep from dying from high blood pressure or some other genetic anomaly and those attempts, at least since early summer, have been meager at best…practically nonexistent.  My life has become so busy I have eliminated all hobbies except for singing and I now fear that this one shining example of something I do well is on the chopping block because I can neither afford the money nor the effort necessary to do it properly.  I wake up at night and think of all the impossible scenarios that give me heartburn and I simply wait for morning to come.

Please…don’t send me money Aside: I mean, unless you’ve got scads of it that you’re just burning to light your Cuban cigars. and try to avoid the pity.  I didn’t write this to get attention, I really just needed to get it out of my head and somewhere else.  I was going to couch it in some corny allegorical context so that it wouldn’t seem like it was me I was talking about, but I couldn’t be bothered to come up with the pretense.  I’m sure that I’ll be fine, after all the sun is shining today.

I’m thankful for many things in life besides all that which gives me ulcers:

  • My wife and baby who mean the world to me and I only want the best for them.
  • My parents and in-laws who have always been supportive of everything I’ve ever done.
  • My home, because I’ve seen the homeless.
  • My meals, because I’ve seen the hungry.
  • My health, because I’ve seen the sick.

I suppose that it’s just one of those depressed days, although, this one seems to have stuck around a bit longer than I care for.  I just wish something, anything, would go right for a change.  Hopefully, we’ll now go back to your regularly scheduled nonsense.

See you in the funny papers!

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5 thoughts on “The legend of FAIL!

  1. Take heart, kiddo. You are not alone in feeling this way. It will get better, heck, aren’t things looking up already? You got a message from ME!! And if someone should send you scads of money that you don’t want, send some my way! I don’t know everything about you, but I know enough to know that you are not a failure. One look at that little girl and sweet wife will tell you that! Hang in there and know that friends are thinking of you and sending little prayers up on your behalf.

  2. I’m with Drew: Stay strong, brother. (Only you’re not my brother, so hear it in Desmond-from-Lost’s voice, a Scottish accent: Broo-thah.)

    And although I’m not going to tell you to cheer up, because that’s obnoxious and it never helps, I am going to say that I think you’re experiencing a pretty common phenomenon — you’re a few months into parenthood, your reserves are depleted, you’re realizing that the crunch is the new normal, and you can’t see a way through it right now. But you will.

    Here’s something I wrote in the comments of one of my very favorite bloggers, Sundry, a mom of two young boys who writes about things/life/whatnot in an incredibly real, awesomely funny way; she wrote a post about the neverending struggle of juggling the FT job, the two kids, the marriage, the fitness, etc., and how whatever balance you’ve struck goes right to hell when one or both of the kids is sick; here’s my comment:

    “I can absolutely, on a near-daily basis, relate to the feeling of letting everyone down, of failing a little bit (or hell, a lot sometimes) on all fronts. Again, I just have the one kid, but it’s been a terrible thing for this lil’ overachiever to realize I cannot do it all — of the seven or nine or twenty-four balls I have in the air at any given time (FT work, kid, husband, family, friends, me, etc.), a handful are going to fall. They just are. Different ones every time, different combos, different weights, different impacts — but there’s no way to keep them ALL aloft ALL the time. And yet I still try. What else can you do?”

    So, Slugger — what I mean to say is, you’re not the only one. The fog of FAIL will lift. You’ll make it. Lean on people. Write it all out. Find ONE THING that will make you feel made of WIN even for a little bit. Do that thing. Repeat. 🙂

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