If nothing else, you’ve come to expect complete honesty from this blog…and probably precious little else. Let’s face it, I’m all over the map when it comes to topics, so it’s hard to pin down just what I’m ranting about during any given month. But, I’ve never been anything but honest, to the point of crass in some of my posts. This all leads up to me telling you this:
I’m fat and dying!
Okay…that probably deserves some explanation. To look at me, you’d never know I was fat. I mean, sure, the belt could probably tighten up a notch or too, or maybe the seams could be a little less strained, but I’m not what you might consider overweight. And, I’m certainly not dying. I walk at least 3 times a day, putting in nearly a mile (sometimes more) in every walk. I’ve run four, count ’em FOUR half-marathons in my life, the most recent one as late as April of this year. But, today, I had my biometrics screening for my health assessment which is required to get a discount on my health insurance at work and it turns out that I’m overweight and on my way to the grave.
Seriously though, it’s probably not all that bad. My blood pressure is perennially on the high side which my physician is aware of and has cleared me due to my diet and exercise. My cholesterol is justabove the normal range and most everything else is normal aside from the LDL which is above normal. I suppose it’s the pork rinds and Big Red that I love so much. What REALLY kills me is the BMI which is such a bogus measurement that even the assessment people say not to worry about that number and the 3-pinch fat test which is named after an abstract expressionist painter Aside: Okay, not really, but isn’t it a little funny that the test is called the Jackson-Pollock 3-Pinch fat test? which says that I have 22% body fat which is just below Jabba the Hutt on the “How blobby are you?” scale. These are the tests that make people cringe when the hear or see the numbers. They’re intimidating to me and I feel pretty healthy. They have to be intimidating to people who are sedentary and forgot what vegetables look like.
So, tonight, I’ll be hitting the treadmill and the next time I’m at the grocery store, I’ll try to pick up some more veggies and maybe a high-fiber muffin or too.
See you in the funny papers!