Surf’s up

Today’s Olympic sport: Snowboarding

I am a child of the snowboarding age.  Though it has been around since the 1960s apparently, its true emergence Aside: at least in my opinion, and it’s my blog dammit. was in the early 80s with its ultimate arrival in the early 90s.  I have always imagined that I’d be pretty decent at snowboarding, mostly because you’re only strapping yourself to one piece of equipment, whereas skiing has two.  With snowboarding, there seems much less chance for me to end up going in two directions at once causing irreparable harm to what we boys like to refer to as “the family jewels.”  Of course, I’ve never been snowboarding, or snow skiing for that matter.  I did go water skiing once…well, I say I went skiing.  Mostly, I just skidded along face down behind the boat swallowing as much of the lake as I could because I was too stupid to let go of the damn rope.  I’m much better at tubing…again, one piece of equipment.  Why does everything have to be so complicated?

Anyway, so how do I relate to snowboarding?  Well, a close second, in my opinion, would be skateboarding, which was my primary mode of transportation for some time in the mid to late 80s.  I had a board that I went everywhere on, but mostly “everywhere” consisted of the local drug store to purchase Topps baseball cards with my friend Jon Aside: whose last name I can’t even remember now, some friend huh? and when we didn’t buy cards, we bought candy.  All of this was back before I realized I would actually NEED money and I should’ve saved some of that dough.  It was also back before child obesity was an issue…but I guess it wasn’t an issue because we would actually go outside and ride skateboards everywhere rather than sitting around on our asses and having our mothers bring us potato chips while we played Super Mario Bros. until our eyes melted, but I digress.

Well, there was one hill on our block which was prime real estate for shredding and catching air.  None of which we did.  I’m certain that if any of the four wheels of that board had left the hill at any moment I’d have flipped over and died.  No, our “tricks” were limited to kicking the board up, Michael J. Fox from Back to the Future-style, when we were picking it up.  Shredding for us was simply riding from side to side down the hill, provided there were no cars coming.  And catching air…well, the only air I caught was the breeze as I rode down the hill.  Consequently, I’m not a professional boarder of anything; skate, snow, or surf!  That’s my connection to snowboarding…tenuous at best, I realize, but we only get heavy snow in Kentucky about every 10-15 years, so it’s not like there’s a lot of opportunity.

See you in the funny papers!

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