Victory Lap

“Victory is mine! Victory is mine. Great day in the morning, People, Victory is mine…. I drink from the keg of glory, Donna. Bring me the finest muffins and bagels in all the land.” ~Josh Lyman from The West Wing

And…it is finished.  My first full, complete, NaBloPoMo.  I didn’t think this day would arrive, but here it is.   What more is there to say than I have completed it.  Some will dismiss it as a trivial matter, others will marvel at the majestic will that produces such a streak of blog posts.  I will merely sit back and relax and let the feeling of completion wash over me.

The truth is, there’s nothing great and glorious about finishing it because tomorrow is just another day in which I may or may not post. I do have something lined up though.  My friend kylydia over at Nothing Rhymes With…has sent me information on #Reverb10 which is a followup to some posting prompts we both did last year.  I can’t promise that it will be an every day thing, but it will certainly provide for something more regular than October…wherein I posted nothing!

Anyway, I hope you’ve enjoyed the November NaBloPoMo and I look forward to see you next month and in the coming year.

See you in the funny papers!

Nearly there

Then the clouds opened up and God said, “I hate you, Alfalfa!” – Alfalfa (The Little Rascals, 1994)

Boy, it certainly is difficult to go back to work after a long weekend.  It’s even more difficult to go back when your car won’t start.  Ha ha…yes, in tribute to my complete inability to be handy, this morning the car played opossum once again.  So, we know it’s not the battery, which means it’s probably something more prohibitively expensive.  SUPER!  It sure is nice to phone the folks at AAA and have them just whisk it away.  If only they’d replace it in the morning, like the tooth fairy or something.

Plus, to round out the morning, I made the stunningly bad decision to attempt to walk IvyCat to school.  I put a light jacket on her (strike 1), I did not take a stroller (strike 2), and she would not walk so I carried her most of the way (strike 3).  Fortunately, for my sake, she did not suffer any hypothermic ill effects as we are in the midst of a fairly mild autumnal season.  She was sad and had cold hands and my arms were aching by the time I had the good fortune to run into my friend, N., Aside: Thank you dear sister for helping a brother out who took us the rest of the way to the school.

To recap…I am not handy or mechanically inclined in any way.  I’m a poor decision maker and a fairly inefficient parent.  I’m not in nearly as good shape as I once was.  And yet, nobody died.  The world continued to spin on its axis and the day was not a complete loss by any stretch of the imagination.

In other news, Irvin Kershner, director of “The Empire Strikes Back” died this weekend.  The world will miss this cinematic genius.

See you in the funny papers!

Untitled

I’ve always disliked things that were titled “Untitled” mostly because that is a title in and of itself.  If it were me, I would just leave it blank.  Of course, here, on this blog, it is me — just me — and I’ve used the Untitled title.  I suppose because I thought it really should have a title, but when you start something that you don’t really know what it’s going to be, you have to go with Untitled.

I had in my mind to do an allegory, but I was rather afraid it would turn out whiny, narcissistic, self-wallowing poo.  I think I’m coming down off the high of a long weekend and crashing in a funk that may or may not be turkey-induced.  I’ve spent a lot of time with family which, while wonderful, has led me to need some quiet time alone to think, brood, or otherwise self-indulge.  Truly, I sort of feel that my next day or two needs a soundtrack of The Cure or The Smiths and possibly a tumbler or two of an absinthe-splashed drink.  Aside: I do enjoy a good brooding.  It does wonders for those who can realize it for its curative properties, not the least of which is to bring me out of the residual funk. All in all, I might just need a decent nights’ sleep.

Still, you’ve come for many days now, twenty-eight to be exact, and for most of those you’ve received something decent in the way of a blog post.  I will admit to having phoned in a couple of posts simply because the nature of this blog is not thematic and, therefore, does not lend itself easily to posts.  Rather, it suffers from the will of my increasingly incoherent synaptic firings and, while I do not necessarily apologize for that, I do deign to agree that it’s not very consistent.  And, I do appreciate the traffic for this month.  It has brought the numbers up to a more respectable level and I’m fairly certain that there are at least twenty faithful readers who come for the rants and enjoy the craziness.  With that in mind, I have been letting some fiction ramble around in my noggin for a bit, let me know what you think.

Rose sat glumly at the typewriter.  Her cigarette dangled limply between the chipped nails of her cheap manicure as she gazed through the window.  The old clock radio on the shelf buzzed just loudly enough to be heard, but the softness of the static was a sort of lullaby in the afternoon sun.  The smoke from the cigarette caressed her frosted hair as she tracked the sun via the stenciled letters on the glass.  A lazy fly circled near the door begging to be freed from the prison and Rose sympathized but made no move to ease either of their plights.  She could hear her boss laughing in his hacking way behind his office door which made Rose slightly sick to her stomach.  She knew that he was on the phone with that little piece of tail from down at the sandwich shop where he always had lunch.  If she had an ounce of gumption, she’d ring his wife and let her know, but, truly, what business of it was hers.  Mr. Adams was a decent boss, always paid well even with a Christmas bonus, and was not even opposed to a long lunch hour.  So, she continued to let the cigarette ash float gently to the desk as she watched traffic pass outside.  Rose was transfixed on a small black sports car sitting idly at the stoplight when Mrs. Adams came strolling in, matching handbag clutched tightly to her rounded body.  She smiled softly, but thinly, at Rose and proceeded directly to the back of the office.  Mrs. Adams burst through her husband’s office door, startling him mid-laugh on the phone and Rose could only sit open-mouthed at the scene.

“Arnold, you two-timing horse’s ass.  I hope you rot,” said Mrs. Adams and swiftly pulled a small handgun from her pocketbook and plugged her husband right in the heart.  Then, she lay the gun on his desk and walked back out to Rose’s desk.

“Rose, my dear, thank you so much for being such a good secretary all these years.  I’m afraid, though, that today we’ll have to let you go.  We’re going to need to close the office.  But, before you go, could you be a darling and call the police and tell them that Claudeen Adams has shot and killed her husband and is waiting for them at this address.”

Rose Atwater stared blankly at Mrs. Adams, not daring to blink, desperately trying to swallow at the scene she’d just witnessed.  Mrs. Adams sat silently at that point, placing her handbag on the desk.  Rose crushed out her cigarette and, not taking her eyes off the offended widow, dialed the police.  And, to think, just minutes earlier she had been silently hoping for some excitement in her life.

See you in the funny papers!

Revenge of the Turkey

The turkey continues to be a source of overeating…but it’s so good.  I don’t know that I have the patience to smoke a turkey.  Our host, H., was watching the smoker for over 12 hours, but it was truly worth it as far as I’m concerned.  The flavor, the moistness, the amazingness of this turkey can not be overestimated.

I did finally manage to leave the house today.  We made a short jaunt to Target.  But, mostly, I’ve been glued to the couch watching the Star Wars marathon on SpikeTV.  I wish there were less commercials, but that’s the way life goes.

This weekend, unlike some holidays, or even other weekends, has been truly relaxing.  It’s been nice to just lay around and watch television and not think about anything.  Anyway, because that’s been the extent of my weekend there’s not much more to say.  Hopefully, we’ll get back to more interesting fare following the weekend.

See you in the funny papers!

Ohhhmyyygod

Y’all…seriously, y’all, I’m so stuffed.  SO. MUCH. FOOD.  I feel like I’ve been eating for 48 hours straight.  I’ve undone my belt, my jeans and I’m just short of indecent.  My body is sore from eating so much.  Yesterday I had two Thanksgiving meals, y’know, because one is never enough.  And today the menu included 2, yes, that’s right TWO fried turkeys, one smoked turkey Aside: yes, if you’re counting that’s 3 turkeys.  That’s about 1 turkey per 2.6 people. a ham, macaroni and cheese, mashed potatoes, stuffing, green beans, spinach maria, rolls, and that’s just what I could see from my seat.  I’m literally miserable and there are still two pumpkin pies, a pecan pie, and some cookies left on the counter.  I’m ashamed I’ve eaten so much.  I feel like I got hit by a truck.  A turkey truck.

But it was delicious.  Every bit of it.  Hopefully I will have recovered by tomorrow long enough to type up a better post.

See you in the funny papers!

Giving Thanks

It’s the perennial moment in our nation’s history where we sit back from the table and loosen our belts from all the turkey, stuffing, cranberry sauce, insert your family’s traditional food here, and roll gently toward the media glow box to feast on football.  Yes, it’s Thanksgiving, which, it turns out may or may not be the anniversary of the Pilgrims’ survival of the first winter in the New World.  Regardless, it is a time when we gather with friends and family and offer thanks for all the blessings that we’ve received.

I’m thankful for my wife, who puts up with my incessant punnery, my goofy nonsense, and my consistent procrastination all with a minimum of eyerolling.  She is, quite simply, the most wonderful woman a guy could ever marry and she’s my best friend.

I’m thankful for my daughter who, with every step she takes, invites me to share in her world.  Each new day is an exciting new look into things we, as adults, overlook and it provides new challenges and opportunities for her to grow into an amazing human being.  She is the most beautiful, loving, intelligent little girl I’ve ever known.

I’m thankful for my family because they are ever present even when I don’t call or visit.  I know that I can reach out at any time and share joys or pain and they will be there.  They are a constant source of love and support that can not be underestimated.

I’m thankful for friends who lend an ear, a hand, or a smile just when I need it.  We don’t see each other nearly as often as we used to…we also don’t drink as much as we used to either…but we are still a part of each others’ lives.

I’m thankful for my job, particularly when so many don’t have one.  I’m also thankful that I love my job so much.  It is quite exciting to be a part of a team that really has a goal in mind and is achieving that goal on a regular basis.  It’s also a lot of fun to be around so many intelligent and interesting students who are working hard to achieve that goal.

I’m thankful for my home, again, when so many are losing theirs.  As with most homes, there are things I’d love to have different, but it has a certain charm and it manages to provide a safe, warm, environment for those who live here and for those who visit.

Finally, I’m thankful for my health and for the health of those I love.  We may complain from time to time of a cough, or allergies, or what have you, but to be generally healthy is a good percentage of being happy and I’m thankful for it.

Have a great Thanksgiving wherever you are and whoever you share it with.  If you’re unable to share it with people you love, please share it with someone who may not have as much as you.

See you in the funny papers!

The home stretch

As we settle into the final week of NaBloPoMo, the winter weather has settled in on us.  Today the temperature remained in the high 30s, lower 40s and there was a bit of ice coming down with the rain.  Also, The Grey was present which blocked the sun for the entire day.  I rue The Grey because it is usually here throughout the winter save for a few days and we only begin to truly see the sun again in March or so.  Or at least it seems that way.  I’m sure if I bothered to do a search, I would find that this is not the case.

I’ve also found that it’s difficult to accomplish this NaBloPoMo simply because I don’t necessarily have something to write about, or something to share every day.  Not to mention that finding time is also a factor.  There have been several days when I’ve magically remembered just before the end of the day and have managed to have a moment or two to jot down something incoherent.  I’m glad they don’t judge this stuff on quality!

Finally, I’m sure you’ve seen this video.  It’s been on the web for a while now and I’ve seen it in a couple of places.  However, it still amazes me and if you haven’t seen it (or even if you have) you may want to share it with family this Thanksgiving.  It’s a video of Cleary and Harding and I find it incredible.  Enjoy and have a great holiday and I hope to be sharing something with you the last few days of this month as well.

See you in the funny papers!

Man up with a side of cojones

“If the women don’t find you handsome, they should at least find you handy.”  ~ Red Green

I’m not particularly handy.  By which I mean that most of my home improvement projects either include duct tape, WD-40, or the phonebook to find a professional.  Actually, most of my home improvement projects could probably be considered home “unimprovement” projects.  I’m great at demolition, but I lack a certain je ne sais quois when it comes to actually finishing these projects.  So, when I manage to attempt and complete a project that would ordinarily fall in the manly man category, I feel a great sense of accomplishment.  Even more so if said project involves tools of any sort.  That leads me to today’s blog post.

On Monday morning, I put IvyCat in the car to take her to school, turned the key, and literally heard the car gasp.  It was the last of the vent releasing it’s pent up air I suppose, because the car made no sound.  The lights came on a little on the dashboard, but you could hear the sound of the wind outside the vehicle.  It’s eerie simply because you expect the engine to burst into a raucous growl and then you carry on your merry way.  Not this morning.  So, I calmly turned off the engine and, in an affirmation of Einstein’s insanity theory, turned the key again.  Why?!  Because this is the sum extent of my knowledge about cars.  If you turn the key and it doesn’t go, then you have problems.  You call a professional for these problems.  This is why I’m a member of AAA.  Anyway, I had to get IvyCat to school and myself to work, so I called my wife who lovingly turned around and came back to get us.

Throughout the day on Monday, I diagnosed the car issue in my head.  I knew it had gas, so it had to be the battery.  Sure, it could’ve been a thousand other things…most of which would’ve cost a fortune…but I don’t know anything about those other things, so my guess was battery.  So, today, I tested my theory.  I went and bought a battery Aside: GEEZ, those things are expensive.  Didn’t they used to be like $30-40? and set about replacing it.  I got to use my tools and everything.  I literally changed my car battery without a) electrocuting myself, b) killing the car, or c) requiring assistance.  It was an outstanding experience.  Not the least of which because when I finished I sat down in the driver’s seat and turned the key…instant vrooom!  What a feeling!

For the record, I can do/have done 25 things on the list.  Also, I believe he’s right…you really don’t know need to know how to tie a bow tie.  At least, I’ve never needed to do it.  Maybe I just don’t get invited to those parties.

See you in the funny papers!

P.S.  I have more views this month than I have any other month since IvyCat was born back in May ’09.  I guess it helps to write something occasionally.  Glad to have all my readers, say hey when you get an opportunity.

News roundup

As I sit here pondering this blog post, I realize that I don’t have much to say.  I also realize that whatever I write at this moment will be lackluster and mostly filler.  Then I realized, hey, that’s exactly what most of the national news is…filler.  Still, here’s the latest on what’s hit the wire lately.

TSA pat-downs: The reason there are pat-downs is because people refuse the body scan.  The reason there are body scans is because people continue to try and blow up planes.  The reason people continue to try and blow up planes is because…well, I don’t know, because they’re crazy maybe?!  The reason people are crazy is because they see a disparity between how they live and how Americans live, I guess.  Anyway, it seems that Pistole (what a name for the head of TSA) is determined that this is how things are gonna be.  And, let me just say this…can’t blame this one on President Obama.  This TSA bullshit is courtesy of the last guy.  So, all of you who were so excited about what a great job Dubya did after 9/11…please step through the metal detector and hope for the best.

Mining disasters:  Is it just me or do there seem to be a lot more mining disasters these days?  Or are they just getting more attention?  I’m guessing at this point that it’s somewhat like shark attacks.  Still, it does seem like that mines could be a lot safer.  It is an inherently dangerous job, but there are ways to be safe.  And, unfortunately, Kentucky seems to have a poor track record in that department.  Of course, they’ve solved some of this by not sending people down in the mountain.  They just blow the mountain apart using the equivalent of atomic bombs to get the coal.  And then they dump the rubble and other “overburden” into streams, killing wildlife and poisoning groundwater.  But, y’know, whatever helps the bottom line.

North Korea: Well, well, well…seems ol’ Kim Jong-Il has managed to build a mighty fine centrifuge facility amid multiple sanctions from all over the globe.  And, yet, the people in his country are starving.  Still, the point is, here’s a country with ACTUAL weapons of mass destruction capability and we continue to fight a war in a country where we also, apparently, hand big bags of cash, cartoon-style, to the president. Hmm…I’d say we have our priorities a bit out of whack.  Of course, this is not surprising when we’ve elected congressional leaders who get their energy policy directly from the book of Genesis.  I will say this for what I’m certain will not be the last time…CLIMATE CHANGE IS REAL!  And, even if it’s not caused by humans, what is the downside to playing it safe?

See you in the funny papers!

 

Blue moon

I’ve been hearing the phrase “once in a blue moon” for most of my life.  I live in a state where folkloric wisdom is placed next to the Bible in terms of quotable valid information.  Some of the gems that I’ve been privy to are “takes to it like a pig takes to slop” and “not enough room to cuss a cat in.”  So, naturally, learning what a blue moon is helps you understand the phrase.  Up until today, I thought I knew that a blue moon was the second full moon of the month.  And, I’d be willing to bet that you thought the very same thing.  Turns out we’re all going on poor information.  And, it’s not really our fault, but now we have new information, that is actually older information than that which we’ve been believing for years.  Check out this article from SPACE.com by Joe Rao and learn what there really is to know about blue moons.

See you in the funny papers!